If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My butt remains clenched, sir.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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