I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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