I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
worst night to have a conscience
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
