Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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