i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I cockslap morals
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
