Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
