my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
