sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
high people should be assigned attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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