Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
