i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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