Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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