There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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