Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
