So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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