you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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