if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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