bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
