There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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