Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
