We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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