so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
