the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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