8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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