in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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