Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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