your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you mean i was at the winter classic?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
