I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
