Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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