i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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