why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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