The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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