I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
