Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
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i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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