my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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