living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
