I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
