Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Someone shit on the floor
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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