now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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