worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
