My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
