I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
