I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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