my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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