And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
