I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
