So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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