i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
