Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
