I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
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its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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