Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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