I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
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this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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