i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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