i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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