I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you didnt know i had herpes?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
