that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
