his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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