Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
babies were throwing up all over the place
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
