Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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