you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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