My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
