Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
false alarm. still invincible.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
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Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
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Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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