going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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