True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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